Monday I went to Dr Hano and was excited to get my results of my PET scan back. We learned that it looks like stage one, unless my bone marrow is infected.
Dr. Hano told me that he was going to take the marrow. The nurse came in and had me sign a consent form. On the form it said sedation and local anethesia would be given. SOOOO there was NO sedation and only 2 shots of anesthesia. It was the worst and most horrible pain I have ever felt in my life. Before I left I was notified that I was going to have to get a port before my chemo which was scheduled for May 26. So this told me that I was going to have to get the port in the next few days.
Dummy me, I went to work later that night. I was in pain and was VERY uncomfortable. There were times throughout the shift that I would go into the locker room, take off my belt and sit there for 20 minutes and then gear up and go back to work.
I got home from work and went to bed. I knew I was only going to get a few hours sleep since I had an appointment with Dr. Tirone who was the surgeon who was going to be placing the port.
At 1pm I woke up and tried to sit up. I could not even sit up out of bed and it was the worst feeling in the world. I was in so much pain. I picked up my phone and called Darren crying that I could not get out of bed and I was in horrible pain. This told me that I over did it at work the night before and I probably should not have even gone to work.
Dr. Tirone scheduled the port to be placed on Friday at noon.
I spoke to my sergeant and told him that I over did it at work and he allowed me to come into work and work on reports in pain clothes. I was at work until 3am and came home.
Today I woke up and I am still sore. Not as bad as last night. I believe that I am going to make an attempt to make it into work tonight. Tonight is my last night of work until most of this is over with or I am able to live with chemo and working.
The area the marrow was taken is a bit swollen and it is a bit tender, but I am sure this tenderness is going to be the least of my aches over the next months.
Each day, each conversation, each question someone asks me, I get anxiety. I am scared and as the days get closer I cry more and my heart hurts. I think everyday, why me...I know that I don't get to choose what is happening and that my path was paved long before...but I have a daughter...This is what hurts me. She has no clue what is happening to her mommy and all I can do is hope that this part of her life is not remembered! I dont want Olivia to remember me as sick all the time. I will and I am fighting like hell to make sure that I am here for a VERY long time!
Yesterday things at home have been hectic, I want D to feel like he has his time to himself if he needs it. Olivia cried from the time I brought her home until just before I left. I tried everything and the last thing I wanted to do was ask for help. I know that D is trying more than ever to make things easier and all I can do is try to help him with it as much as I can.
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