I am the owner of a PORT...

On Friday I had my procedure to have my port placed so that chemo treatments and blood draws are easier over the next few months. I was scared going in for the procedure but it was not the procedure itself that hurt, it is the aftermath. I have a large incision on my left chest that HURTS...I can not sleep, I can not dress myself, it is a bit frustrating to say the least.The port is a small plastic implant that is beneath the skin on my left chest that has a tube that goes directly into a large vein. The reason they need to put in a port is due to two reasons, one I have HORRIBLE veins in my arms and it is always a challenge to draw blood or put in an IV, two is because the medication for the chemo is bad for your veins and can cause damage if it goes beyond your veins. (scary to think that I am getting something so harmful)
The BEST part of Friday was just as I was sitting down after checking in, Darren showed up. I told him not to take time off and that I would be fine with my mom with me. He walked in and said, "I want to be sure you know I am here for you." Again my husband pulls through and puts a smile on my face. We have tough times like any married couple and of course I have the worries that he is taking too much time off, but he left work to be by my side. He is my strength when I am weak. We both have our moments on how to deal with each situation and procedure. Everyday presents another challenge that we are forced to face. Seems that so far we have overcome most of these challenges at this point. Granted a word or two of frusteration is exchanged but when you love someone the way that I love him, all I can hope for is understanding and reassuance that we will get past this. It is another chapter in our story we will share with others later.
Before the procedure they gave me medicine to go to sleep but I was not all the way under otherwise they would have to intubate me and they said it is not necessary for a short procedure. I think the worst is not being able to pick up Olivia. I tried to get her up after a nap today and it was almost impossible. My chest and left arm ache. My chest hurts the worst. On a pain scale, I would say I am pushing about a 7...

Today I have pushed myself more than I think I should have. I know that I am going to have bad days and I figured that I need to get used to pushing myself through and learning how to deal with fatigue, aches and pains. I have been sick to my stomach for days and I want to enjoy eating as well as enjoy a good night of sleep! I only can sleep flat on my back and it is NOT comfortable. The doctor does not think that pain medication is needed for the port after 12 hours, well I have news, I am in PAIN. I tried to go without and I am still hurting. I went 8 hours without earlier today until MISERY kicked in at about 7pm. The pain is now gone and I think I am going to be able to get some shut eye soon!

Today was a HUGE day for Gabrielle. She cut her hair off and looks gorgeous as always! Chrissy watched Olivia as Gabrielle, Darren and I went to the spa for her cut. Gabrielle looked at a scrapbook and found the picture of the hair she wanted. Melanie from Whole Salon and Spa cut Gab's hair to her chin and stacked it in the back. She curled it and it is beautiful! We went to the mall after so that Gab could show it off and enjoy it. Gabrielle and I have gotten so close in the last 3 months. She asks me questions everyday about what is happening and when she knows I am down about something she has been going out of her way to hug me and tell me she loves me! She had tears in her eyes today as her hair was being cut and I told her not to cry that her hair will grow back and she said, "We are a team, you have short hair, I will have short hair." What a great feeling, when 2 years ago she was against me and the idea that she was going to have a sibiling! She has grown up so much and become so well behaved!

It is still hard to believe that I am so close to the treatments beginning. We are down to less than 72 hours and I can not describe how I am getting more and more scared.

I believe that Olivia can sense that something is going on because she is very clingy and always wants to be with me or around me. It is hard for me because she wants to play and be rough (not intentional) and has bumped into me or hit me where my port was just put in. Aching or not, we all know I will stick it out for a hug from my girl
Off to bed I go...